Evening minions. I am melting. Just got back from an 8 mile first bike ride of the season. Not my best ever, but i made it up Mt. Doom (the unplanned hill), so i am happy with it overall. Now i am sitting on the deck sipping iced green tea with lemon while the cats try to become one with the cool lumber under the chairs and resemble carelessly tossed stuffed animals.
I overcame some intense fear and applied to some writing sites. Acceptances are starting to come in, which brings me to my next overwhelming fear. Rejection and the learning curve i am about to throw myself at. I have a degree and have written theses, research papers, critical analyses, fiction and creative non-fiction in an academic setting and always gotten As and encouragement. So, why the hell is writing a product description, web page or blog entry for which i am fed the details freaking me out? My own worst enemy.
Anyway, it will keep my mind sharp and hopefully make some extra cash to pay for life's extras, like brake repairs.
Which is one of the articles i could make a couple bucks writing about. Or alligator hunting. Seriously. You can't make this shit up, folks. Or a Russian french braiding shop. Yes, they only do french braids. Wonder if they have a drive thru? Gonna do some just for shits stuff and see how bad i am at it, then keep going until i rock their socks. Wonder if there is one for socks. There was for asphalt.
I digress. Tomorrow i shall find an air conditioned hide-away and write me some righteous shit, man. And apply to the last site, whose application intimidates me a little... Because i will have to think and it feels like an essay test. Which it is, i suppose. It will be graded and my grade determines pay rate. No pressure.
Either way, i pedaled Mt. Doom when the fire house said it was 99 degrees out. The rest is coasting.
Later minions.
Friday, May 31, 2013
Thursday, May 30, 2013
The Cowardly Lion Sticks Out Her Head
Well, i took a tentative baby step today and registered for a couple of writing sites. Time to see if anyone else thinks i can write. You never know. I have never gotten this gutsy before, so here's hoping i am not entirely delusional and that honors English 3.9 degree was earned. I am so tired of being abused for a living. It would be nice to make money doing something i enjoy.
Perhaps dreams can come true. Off to wish upon a star.
Perhaps dreams can come true. Off to wish upon a star.
Friday, May 17, 2013
All Buddhists Go to Hell
Reincarnation makes that undeniably true. We just don't have to stay there forever. Karma eventually moves us onward.
I have some fucked up weird karma. I think i snuck into a human rebirth somehow. Then the ordination part was definitely way beyond my karmic badness rank. Kind Lama let me anyway. Not in robes anymore, cuz, well, karma. And, while the vows are very helpful, the cultural garb and trappings put up more walls than they tore down in small town america.
So, i am one of the few Buddhist fans of bands like Slipknot and Disturbed (those are the bands i am sure most have heard of). I just admire anyone who uses the word megalomaniacal in lyrics and thinks about/questions their existence. Popular music is absolute crap. It says nothing about anything that shows any sort of analytical thinking and process has been applied anywhere. If anyone ever tells me they can't live without someone again, i will laugh in their face. Seriously. You lived before them, so why wouldn't you? And, if you already lost said someone and are still breathing and reading this or singing about your loss, you also have survived it. Congratulations. Move on. Tell me about the black crushing vortex that has opened in the center of your chest that feels like it will consume you and how, watching this sensation play out without getting caught up in believing it is more than a transient experience, you come to find peace and a sense that you are not your thoughts, feelings or experiences, nor are you separate from them. There is a space in there that opens up. Tell me about the feeling of absolute freedom and joy that quietly waits there and gives the sense that all is well and that the core of your being can not be touched by the strongest emotional-neuronal storm. These guys, i think, have experienced this. They might have called it something other that "true nature of mind" or "rigpa" or "buddha nature," but they have enough introspective experience to know what i am saying.
Those people i can relate to. I can have a conversation with them.
Question everything. Especially the random neuron firings called thought and emotion that we all take so seriously. Let it go.
As long as i am here, having walked backward through the theatre doors, that will be my message. Stop telling and believing the stories your brain tells you about yourself and your life and live it. Now. Stay present. Double dog dare ya!
I have some fucked up weird karma. I think i snuck into a human rebirth somehow. Then the ordination part was definitely way beyond my karmic badness rank. Kind Lama let me anyway. Not in robes anymore, cuz, well, karma. And, while the vows are very helpful, the cultural garb and trappings put up more walls than they tore down in small town america.
So, i am one of the few Buddhist fans of bands like Slipknot and Disturbed (those are the bands i am sure most have heard of). I just admire anyone who uses the word megalomaniacal in lyrics and thinks about/questions their existence. Popular music is absolute crap. It says nothing about anything that shows any sort of analytical thinking and process has been applied anywhere. If anyone ever tells me they can't live without someone again, i will laugh in their face. Seriously. You lived before them, so why wouldn't you? And, if you already lost said someone and are still breathing and reading this or singing about your loss, you also have survived it. Congratulations. Move on. Tell me about the black crushing vortex that has opened in the center of your chest that feels like it will consume you and how, watching this sensation play out without getting caught up in believing it is more than a transient experience, you come to find peace and a sense that you are not your thoughts, feelings or experiences, nor are you separate from them. There is a space in there that opens up. Tell me about the feeling of absolute freedom and joy that quietly waits there and gives the sense that all is well and that the core of your being can not be touched by the strongest emotional-neuronal storm. These guys, i think, have experienced this. They might have called it something other that "true nature of mind" or "rigpa" or "buddha nature," but they have enough introspective experience to know what i am saying.
Those people i can relate to. I can have a conversation with them.
Question everything. Especially the random neuron firings called thought and emotion that we all take so seriously. Let it go.
As long as i am here, having walked backward through the theatre doors, that will be my message. Stop telling and believing the stories your brain tells you about yourself and your life and live it. Now. Stay present. Double dog dare ya!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)