Weight loss, depression and stress

These are a few of my fa-vo-... Wait. Wrong list.

Dealing with a very ill (sometimes it is a tumor) cat, bullshit at work and working 2 and a freelance jobs while managing a house and garden has caused my weight to start creeping up. Great, more stress. Long and short is it's diet time. Started today. Hungry now... Made it, though. Retraining the body to exist on what it needs instead of what it wants is the key. It will take a while, but i don't plan to drop dead anytime soon, so i have time. Tomorrow i add yoga to my usual running and biking routines. 

My legs are less jumpy, by the way. Yay!

Meds schmeds

Started getting all achy and jumpy legs. Blaming the 20mg of simvastatin and going off it for a while as an experiment. It's like the old lab days. Change one variable and see what happens. Controls are trickier real world, but i hate taking meds, so there ya go. Yes, yes, i know. Depression means meds, cuz the alternative is unlivable. I have run that experiment over the decades. It sucks. It is unavoidable. I take as little as possible to stabilize enough for more holistic stuff and meditation to work. Dependence is not my style. Switching to flaxseed oil in a week after seeing if the leg cramps go away.
I have these fights with myself a lot. About everything from meds to caffeine. I feel it is a sort of forced consumerism. A sort of indentured servitude to the capitalist beast that feeds off us all. I dislike that feeling a lot. I want off the treadmill, but the realization came too late for that to be possible for a while. As i get closer to 50, i wonder if i will ever be free of it. I have no answer. I work two jobs and still can't stay ahead. All part of the government's plan. Not going to start on that. Except to say that the pharmaceutical companies give it a lot of money. Which brings me back to my point. Maybe i can't rebel in any way that will change anything, but i can take away my contribution to their blood pact as much as i am able. And the experimentation. But, that is also another topic. Life never has one thread and topics are not discreet.
Off to run screaming into the face of another day.
Later, minions.

Tendons and pinkies

So, my pinkie is in a splint for a while. The ortho dude says i severed the tendon at the end of it. Swelling is gone now, so he may be right... Still hurts like hell when i manage to bend it anyway. Or bang it.
This brings me to my question of the day: how the hell do right-handers do it????? Seriously. I keep using the left one and jamming the splint into things. Pockets are impossible. Having to constantly get into and out of medical gloves also sucks. I am trying to use my right hand more, but i am really habituated to using my left one. My brain struggles to adjust, but everything feels wrong. Sigh...
I have to wear the splint for up to 12 weeks 24/7, so i suppose i will get better at it.
Also, working nights this week, so that is adding to the degree of difficulty. Half asleep working with the wrong hand is harder. However, it helps me stay awake. And, the patients are mostly sleeping, which is a nice break. Working all but 8 hours in a 36 hour stretch kinda sucked though. Two jobs can be a necessary evil like that... Did get about 7 hours sleep in all that, though, so doing ok.
What i worry about is that over-tired will lead to a insomnia. That can end up in my depression doing a tail spin, which will make it even worse than having a sick cat and 2.5 jobs already did. Frigging brain chemistry. Runs in the family. Been too sensitive and hard on myself forever. Starting wanting to die when i was a kid. Winning the battle has been tricky, but so far so good. Some meds and a healthy dose of Buddha help. Most days anyway. The rest i just try to hold on for the next one. It must work because almost no one knows. Those who do have trouble believing it. "You're always joking and have such a great sense of humor." Or i'd already be dead, dearies.
The hardest part for me is constantly feeling overwhelmed and unable to control anything. The view that life is what happens, without me feeling that i can take an active role in steering it. Counter-Buddhist, but depression textbook. Saying yes to everything and not having preferences or dreams i dare voice is related to that, i imagine.
Smells like Cleo and her bowels are at it again. Time to go. So to speak. Later, minions.

Irritable bowel, irritable me

So, evidently cats get irritable bowel. It wasn't just gastroenteritis on crack. Bring on more meds and even more special food. Damn cat eats better than i do. As long as the vomiting and diarrhea stop, i don't care. I can't take that smell or all the cleaning anymore. The meds make her foam like a rabid animal. So, it goes like: catch her, shove plunger in mouth, push fluid down throat, chase with towel, catch drool for twenty minutes or so, done. The next 30 days are going to be so much fun. I can not overemphasize the fun part enough. Other words starting with "f" come to mind also. Never had such a frigging expensive cat before in my whole 47 years.
In other news, the bane of nights got fired. So, i made a deal with the devil to work 3 next week in exchange for a three day weekend. More time to chase the cat with a towel and do crap and foam related laundry. Such fun. I don't know how i got so lucky to have so much fun.
Needless to say, i am dropping the third job, which involves freelance blogging for lazy people who can't write their own. Most of the stuff you think is written by people who know stuff on sites like ask.com and doctor sites are actually written by googlers without a clue like me. Now don't you feel better about the "knowledge" on the internet? Basically, a few people wrote crap and the rest of us cannibalize it. Hell, if i am going to be underpaid to write crap, i might as well write what i like and submit it myself. The rejection rate won't drop, the pay won't increase, and the satisfaction to frustration ratio will improve loads.
Speaking of, off to rework the cat blog in a bit. The fun with an orthopedic doc to see about the pinky that won't heal. Sprained or some crap. Finally got it x-rayed. No break or anything, but 3 months later still hurts and it has been re-injured so many times i have lost count. One day it will be straight and unswollen again, but that day is not today.
Later, minions.

Holy Humidity Batman

Damn, that weather is making sweating easy even without much workout. Stupid weather pattern shifts. Maybe tomorrow i will fry eggbeaters on the driveway. In a pan. Cuz it's that hot out there.
I am starting to get the headaches again. Dave is melting, the cats are melting, the air conditioner is on. So, my sinuses feel like they may explode out my forehead, resulting in tooth pain, jaw pain, nausea, tinnitus and eye pain. Stupid sinuses. I will probably have to stay outside as much as possible the next couple of days (when not working a billion hours at my various jobs) to try to get them to drain. The rinses just give me infections. Exercise can help, if i catch it fast enough. I choke a lot while running and biking. Icky, but there ya go.
Off to work for my holiday. In air conditioning. With loud people and bright lights. The fun never ends.
Gonna do some research sometime about that.
Oh, and the palpitations have been coming back. With some hand tremors. Mom's uncle had Parkinson's. I always go worst case first. Then i decide it's nothing and get back to business. However, it is getting noticeable to others and annoying as hell. But only sometimes. The docs will probably just say something about my gender and send me on my way. Stupid perimenopause hormone imbalance. Is there anything that can't cause? My legs go rogue on me sometimes, too. Otherwise, fine. You?

Mom's Maladies: Leaky, Creaky and Ow.

Well, minions, looks like mom swallowing a camera yielded fun results. They found out where she is bleeding and it wasn't the alcohol, as i had suspected. Leaky arteries. Go figure. She's fragile. I just typed that with a straight face. Trust me, this woman is not fragile. Her arteries maybe, but she is no nonsense New England Dairy Farm you can stop when the work is done unfragile as it gets. Except that the pain in her legs and back has stopped her in her tracks and the anemia is kicking her ass. Still, i wouldn't call her fragile. Not to her face. Not twice. Cuz she'd switch the hell out of me the first time.
That said, she didn't have the energy to yell and bitch today at the family fun day cookout and that was a nice turn of events. Three years ago, she would have been pitching fits and horseshoes. It has been a long three years. I kinda miss the piss and vinegar. A little. In a nostalgic, but not really kind of way.
I am officially starting an exercise and diet routine tomorrow to avoid anything resembling her fat(e) in 25 years. The helination is getting the hell off her ass. Bring it.